I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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