After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
