By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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