Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
