its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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