You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize