She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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