Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need to calm my uterus...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize