fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I wish you could order shots online.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
