Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
