She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
