Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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