I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
