I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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