Umm I'm too high to move.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize