She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
