What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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