roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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