Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
