Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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