Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
