Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize