Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
