It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
