She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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