The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
