That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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