Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
PANTIES FOUND
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