I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
