I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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