South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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