Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
