Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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