let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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