your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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