I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
