I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
