Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I lost the right to judge tonight
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
