So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
