We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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