I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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