just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
