He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
