I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
