A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize