I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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