Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
