It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
