I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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