Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
