Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
there is glitter all over my balls
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