I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
