I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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