It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
