you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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