Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My ass is underappreciated
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
