Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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