return my video game
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
