Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
