Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
