i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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