well I can't set my house on fire every night
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
