evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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