I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
