I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
