coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize