I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
