How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
